One year ago today I finally put into action my resolve to lose weight and get healthy.
On October 7, 2009, I tracked my first official day on Weight Watchers. I had just weighed in at 176.8 lbs, and just 12 hours previous to my first weigh-in had downed half a batch of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. Yep.
I would not boast the habits I had first starting out, except to see how far I’ve come. I ate a lot of processed “diet” food, and it took me a while to grasp the idea of actually fueling my body with what I ate. It took me a while to admit that I wanted real food in smaller quantities, rather than a plate-full of sugar-free, low-fat brownies. It was sort of disgusting, but I don’t think I would have gotten to where I am today without those habits at the start. I still have most my journals. Here’s what I tracked my first day!
1 cup 2% organic milk
egg mug scramble
2 oz homemade wheat bread w/ sugar free honey (I realize now that sugar free honey doesn’t really have a point)
Leftover potato soup
Spinach, carrot, and egg white salad w/ raspberry vinaigrette
Whole wheat penne with roasted red peppers, artichokes, sundried tomatoes, Tyson chicken strips, EVOO, and white wine. (Sounds good. Didn’t taste good. Edgar liked it though)
100 cal oreo thin crisps
Reduced Fat Colby Jack cheese stick
Sugar free chocolate pudding cup
Fiber One yogurt
100 calorie Vitatop
Weight Watchers Red Velvet mini bar
No sugar added fruit cup
Kashi Dark Chocolate Cherry granola bar
McDonalds Oreo McFlurry (it was a Wednesday, therefore we had our church social event at McDonalds that evening, and I made a point of using a lot of my weekly flex points on that McFlurry)
Looking at it now, it’s obvious that I wasn’t properly fueling myself at my meals, so I was STARVED in between mealtimes. Plus, I was eating a lot of junk, and it wasn’t very balanced. Of course, this was just one day. I do recall making a point to meet my Good Health Guidelines most days.
As pathetic as that food journal looks, I did make progress. I did clean up my diet for the most part. I did learn and create new recipes. I did discover new (real!) foods. I did get active and stay active (in the past year, there’s probably only been a handful of weeks when I didn’t formally exercise at all). I did lose around 40 lbs. I did clean up my lipid profile. I did greatly reduce my risk of diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, and cancer. I did participate in my very first 5K race this past weekend (and I did beat my time!). I did find support and belonging in the food blog community. I did learn to look at food differently, health differently, the world differently. I am learning to look at myself differently.
While writing this, during the space between the previous paragraph and this one, I had a moment. I was talking to myself and sorting out thoughts in my mind when I found myself saying, “I never considered myself ugly, but I always felt that anyone who found me attractive would do so consciously in spite of my chubbiness, and somehow the chubbiness was the thing that prevented me from being/feeling as beautiful as any other girl. But for the first time in my life I don’t feel chubby at all anymore, and I feel that anyone who believes I am otherwise probably has their own unrealistic standards to work through.”
But it wasn’t the realization itself that struck me. It was the fact that I’d been told this before by a friend, in almost those exact words, just over four years ago, and at the time it fell mostly on deaf ears. He said:
“…All that time I was concerned about the fact you depend on what I think about you, however small the extent. As your friend I’d have far preferred you come to the conclusion first you are gorgeous because God made you that way and if anyone wanted to acknowledge that, great! They know the truth now, like when you compliment other people and see truth about them. If anyone thinks you not-so-good-looking, you’d feel sad for them, because sometimes they don’t meet their own standards of beauty; they should look rather to God for their definition of beauty.”
Now I believe it. Now I believe it.
It’s amazing to think of what could happen in one year, with one act of signing up for a free Weight Watchers at Work program. I’m eager to find where I’ll be a year from now. 🙂